Kids, careers, goals, ambitions, there are a lot things that distract us from pursing Christ. These are the same things that can distract us from pursing our spouses. Below are 6 ways that you may not have realized you are destroying your marriage. 1. Spending Your Night Lost In Work Or Technology Rather Than With Your Spouse.In 1 Corinthians 7:3, Paul talks about rendering to your spouse the AFFECTION that is DUE to them. That means that you actually OWE your spouse your time, love, and attention on a daily basis. It’s not dependent on how they treat you. It’s not only if they “deserve it.” As a married person, these are things you OWE your spouse as you serve the Lord. When we take our relationships into our own selfish hands rather than obeying God’s design, we not only rob our relationships of joy, and intimacy, but we lose even our basic level of friendship. In the process you are also telling God that His commands aren’t really on your list of things to do. After 8 or 9 at night, turn off the TV, shut off Netflix, put away the phones, and stare deep into the eyes of your spouse. Then, just talk. Be just as willing to listen quietly, as you are to express your feelings vulnerably, and you’ll see a side of your relationship that may have been missing for a long time. 2. Complaining About Every Little Thing.Several times in the scripture, the Holy Spirits speaks to us concerning the condition of our hearts and how it relates to our mouths. In Philippians 2:14 it says, “Do all things without complaining and disputing,” and in Ephesians 4:29 Paul again writes, “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.” If this is how we are told to respond towards all people, then how much more should we lift up our spouses? No one ever wakes up and says, “I’m going to make myself feel like garbage today,” or “I’m going to go listen to someone complain about everything I do, that’ll be really refreshing.” When you said “I DO,” you became one flesh with your spouse, and anything you would do to encourage, strengthen, or bless yourself, do even more so for your spouse. 3. Not Reading Between The Lines. Let’s face it folks, we are human. We mess up, get distracted, and in flesh, we are completely selfish. So, every now and then we need to be reminded to do good. When ever you hear your spouse start to say things like, “you don’t care,” “you don’t love me,” “you’re there for everyone else but me,” “I don’t feel pretty,” “you never listen,” or what ever it might be, these are important signs that you would do good to not ignore. Our first reaction is usually to get defensive and justify our actions, but put away the pride, pray, and look to see if these things might actually be true, even if it’s only true in the eyes of your spouse. If your spouse feels hurt, they are hurt regardless of if you think they should be or not. That should be enough to get you to care. These phrases can be spoken calmly, out of frustration, or even jokingly, but don’t be fooled, Luke 6:45 says, “for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” If you’ve heard this in your marriage, then there is probably some truth to their words rather they were joking or not. 4. Holding Your Ground. This is probably the number culprit that I see destroying marriages. We always want to hold our ground in an argument instead of portraying Christ and being the first to say “I’m sorry,” or “I was wrong.” We always think it’s the other person’s job to apologize, after all, “they offended ME, and I won’t tolerate being spoken to or treated that way!” If this has you’re your current relationship situation, then congratulations, you’re officially destroying your marriage. Ephesians 5:25, “men love your wives like Christ loves the church.” Jesus surrendered everything for you. He took shame, offense, suffered for years with (in comparison to what was due) none of the love and worship that He fully DESERVED, and He did it all for the people who hated and denied Him, people who were at war with Him. All that He might make a way for love to break through, and our relationship with God to be mended. Like wise, husbands love your wives, and take the hit. If your right, then practice longsuffering and teach with patience, admitting your faults before you focus on hers. Ephesians 5:33, “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Wives, respect your husbands, and live submissively to them, just as Christ, being equal to the Father, willingly did all things in submission to Him. Respecting your husband is a big job. Most people seem to think this means “respect what he says,” and toss it under the submission issue, but it’s more than that. Respect him with your words, your actions, and in public. Do this and you will have a husband who feels blessed beyond measure. Husbands and wives, repent of your pride, submit to Christ, go apologize to your spouse, and let them know how much you love them (they don’t need to “deserve it”). James 4:6, “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” 5. Not Praying With/For Your Spouse Daily. First off, we all need to pray more, that’s just a fact. In a marriage, you’ve been physically and spiritually tied to a lifelong prayer partner. You should be encouraging one another in and through prayer, and, rather it’s together or alone, you should be praying for your spouse everyday, and at every opportunity. Prayer is unmeasurably powerful, and unknowably pleasing before God, not because of our words, but because of the goodness and ability of our Lord to answer them. Praying together with your spouse daily, will not only keep you both accountable and encouraged, but it will press the blessing and provision of God into every aspect your spouse’s life. A certain man recently told his wife during an argument that she needed to be praying for herself, her family, and him (her husband) daily. He also told her that he knew for a fact she wasn’t praying for him, because if she was, they wouldn’t be having the argument they were having. Realizing what he said was true, their discussion changed to a more positive course. You can’t live in anger towards the person you’re lovingly praying for on a daily basis (I encourage everyone to watch the film “War Room”). Ephesians 6: 18, “And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.” 6. Being A Bad Disciple/Discipler. This one is a personal conviction of mine. Men, I hope your ready, because I’m about to knock you down to a step.
Ephesians 5:25-27 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” I will be the first to admit, I have not been diligent or faithful in cleansing my wife by washing her through the Word. Sure we have biblical talks and discussions, but I have not done enough to confidently say I could present her before God as radiant church, holy and blameless. I’m also not saying my wife isn’t those things in of herself, but it is my job as a husband to continue that work, and I can’t claim to have faithful striven to produce that result in her. Men, we must never forget we are one body and one spirit with our wives through Christ. Everything God gives to you in wisdom and understanding, you are obligated to teach to your wife also. And if you have nothing to give your wife from the Word of God on a daily basis, you better get busy reading. Wives, your husband isn’t perfect… in fact he’s a man… so what does that tell you? Actually it’s that kind of thinking that’s the problem isn’t it? He needs encouragement and prompting, love, and opportunity. The best way to love to your husbands and fuel the fire of your marriage in Christ is to be a good disciple. If he isn’t bringing the Word to you, take your questions and desire for the Word to him everyday. Subtly show him your desire to learn and be taught. After all, tell a man your problems, and he’ll try to fix it.
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Let's Grow Together, Ep. 7- Truth. It's amazing how God steps in at the most unexpected moments.Last Friday at about 11 a.m., I sat down with the Director of the Christian Men's Job Corps, and running candidate for County Commissioner in precinct 1, Tom Jones. After 10 years of continuous service in Kerr County, the CMJC had a dilemma: not enough students. God calls, and God provides.After being up all night praying, Tom came to me saying that God put it on his heart to add the Bible curriculum to the CMJC course, and open up the doors for additional students. However, this was Friday afternoon, and class started the following Monday! We held an emergency meeting at around 3 p.m., and restructured the entire CMJC program, of which I am both an Alumni and Teacher/Volunteer, to fit the majority of the first year curriculum. That weekend we sent out invites and prayer requests, and as of Monday night we went from having the 2 men who applied for the CMJC, to having a class of 11 students who will ALL be taking the first year of the Living Word Bible School curriculum! Following the CMJC graduation, all students will be able to continue on with the Living Word Bible School teachers to receive their first and second year certificates. This is such an amazing advancement in both of these ministries, moving forward in the CMJC's ability to serve men in Kerr County, as well as starting the Bible School program a full 6 month early! All praise, honor, and glory to our God and Lord, Jesus Christ.None of this would have been possible outside of Christ, in fact it is Christ Himself who put it all together. To find out more about the CMJC visit www.cmjckerrcounty.com and sign up for my newsletter HERE to get the blogs and updates via email.
Go, and be blessed. IntroWhat does it really mean to have faith in God? How, if we say we have faith in Christ, should we actually respond in our faith? What does it look like? I want you to consider in your own life rather or not you actually have faith in Jesus, and if so, what does that mean to you? Without giving any theological explanation, or using big words reserved for the well studied Christian, can you show me, in a situation of your life, how you had faith in Christ? I would hope that you could, and if so, conjure up one of those occasions in your mind as a basis for the rest of our conversation. The Difference Between Belief and Faith.In Psalms 37:3-7, we find language and commandments that are imperative to our understanding of faith, and therefore, our everyday walk. The Psalm reads as follows:
What I want you to focus on is the use of the word "trust." I think a lot of times we have beliefs and understandings on who Christ is, what He did for us, and how He can operate in our lives, but the thing that seems to fail time and time again, is our trust in Him to actually fulfill His word and His will in our lives. If we really have faith and believe in Christ, we should as a result of our faith, trust in his ability to preform, and therefore live according to our trust. Look again at the psalm. If we had faith in Jesus, we would trust Him and do good, knowing He will provide every need according to His faithfulness. If we had faith, we would commit our every way to Him, knowing that He will bring His will to pass, not He might, or He can, but that He will. Again in verse 7, it says for us to rest and patiently wait for Him; that means in all situations. Easier said than done right? Well, is it? I mean if we really have faith that the Word of God, who spoke all of creation into existence came in the flesh, preformed various miracles, healed the sick, feed the hungry, walked on water, and paid for our sins against a holy and perfect God, can't we trust Him enough to take care of our rent and our children? Matthew 6:25-34 is one of my favorite passages. It's like a "life verse" for me. It tells that in all things, God will provide if we trust Him to. He says simply that we should "seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."
This is what faith really looks like. It is so easy for people to say that they "believe in Jesus," yet they continually fail to trust Him for their most basic needs. We can't worry and have faith at the same time. We need to cast our cares on God, TRUSTING that He will provide for them just as His word say He will. Rightly so he spoke to us in verse 30 when he called us, "you of little faith." Faith is not Belief, it is the Fruit of True Belief.Faith then, is not in the understanding of facts, or utterance of words, rather faith is simply this: Believing something so much that it joins to your will in action. Faith is the fruit of your beliefs, and the fruit of faith is obedience. You cannot have faith without obedience. Jesus says in John 14:15, "If you love Me, keep My commandments." He was telling his disciples, "just agreeing with me, without doing what I say, is not enough. If you want to prove that you love me, do as I say." Faith is no different. Without obeying God's commandments, and trusting His word, we cannot claim to have faith.
Go and Be Blessed. |
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Darrin MillerWorking for the Lord. Archives
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